Waiting for “Christmas”

I was originally scheduled to go into surgery today. I had been waiting for what felt like forever, watching my countdown clock tick off the days to my surgery date. I woke last week Monday with the excitement of knowing I had finally gotten to single digits. It was 9 days to my surgery date. Sometime mid morning I received a call from the hospital. A nice woman was tasked with giving me the bad news that my surgery date had to be rescheduled due to the hospital needing to close one of the operating rooms for some reason unknown to me. The soonest available date was November 3rd.

Ever since I got my surgery date back in late July, I knew that there was a possibility that it could be changed. My initial appointment with my endocrinologist was changed 3 times. It’s just something you have to deal with when you have a socialized medical system. Appointments are prioritized based on needs instead of on ability to pay. I certainly wouldn’t change that part of the system, but it means that occasionally I have to deal with appointments getting moved. I had hoped that since surgery is a much more involved process it might mean that there was less of a chance of it getting moved. I do believe that is usually the case, based on the apologetic wording used in the confirmation letter I was sent after agreeing to the November 3rd date.

My rational mind was fine with the change. I went through and listed all of the rational reasons why this would be alright despite the disappointment. But feelings aren’t rational, no matter how much I try to force them to be so. Somewhere deep down I felt like a 6 year old boy who was just told he had to wait an extra 2 weeks for Christmas this year. I keep telling myself that in the grand scheme of things, 2 weeks will seem insignificant, but no amount of rationalizing has made me feel much better about it. Today should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but now my countdown clock says that day is still 13 days away. At least Sims 3 Pets comes out here today. I will be able to lose myself for awhile in Sims land while I wait 2 more weeks for “Christmas.”

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6 responses to “Waiting for “Christmas””

  1. Jess says :

    For what it’s worth, from the other side of the fence…long ago…when I was wheeled into my facial surgery (I think it was like, July), drugged and wuggy, I blurted out the the surgical nurse “I’m going to be cute!”. She just looked down at me. “Yeah — in February”.

    I’m trying to remember what it was like to have that Christmasy attitude toward surgical recovery.I feel really really old :}

  2. Sarah says :

    Jamie,
    I’m sorry today didn’t turn out to be the day you hoped it would be. May your surgery bring you all the relief and comfort you desire and deserve!
    Sarah

    • abeardedgnome says :

      Thanks. I am confident that once I can get through the procedure I will be in much less physical distress. The body dysphoria has gotten a lot worse the closer I get to surgery. The 2 week setback was really tough. The emotional part of me felt like Christmas got taken away but dealing with the physical discomfort felt more like adding a couple extra miles onto the end of the marathon. I’ll get there though.

  3. navelgazingmidwife says :

    We, too, have been watching your calendar with utter excitement. I am so, so sorry it’s been postponed. I don’t even need to say, “But, at least you HAVE a date” or anything placating. We’ll just start a NEW calendar countdown with you.

    Zack’s sex marker gets changed Dec. 1. We are beyond overjoyed.

    Sending love!

    • abeardedgnome says :

      Congrats to Zack on getting his sex marker change date so quickly. As soon as I get though surgery, the person coordinating my care will be sending me the letter I need to update my passport. Once I have recovered enough to make an appointment with the US Embassy I should be able to start the process to get my gender corrected on my passport and with the Social Security office.

      I hope things are going well for you both.

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