The Hormone Roller Coaster to Hell

Some of you may have read in earlier posts that I have been having a very difficult time since switching my testosterone from a weekly injection of testosterone cypionate to a longer acting form called Nebido. Mood swings have been off the charts starting around week 4 after every shot. My shot cycles were shortened from every 12 weeks to every 8 weeks, but that still leaves 4 weeks per cycle when I  feel like I’m on the hormone roller coaster to hell. It’s part of why I have not been writing here as often as I’d like.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be taking the first step in trying to remedy the problem. I’ll be undergoing the first of the FtM “lower” surgeries. This one will be a radical hysterectomy where the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries and cervix will be removed via laproscopy. My endocrinologist believes that my body has still been cycling and that my estrogen levels have been too high. It is hoped that by doing the radical hysterectomy it will stop my cycling and get me off the hormonal ups and downs.

I’ve been a lot more nervous about this surgery than I was about top surgery. I’m not exactly sure why though. This is a routinely performed surgery. It will also be a shorter surgery. I think this one might scare me a bit more because it is an internal abdominal surgery and there are more things that can go wrong. Like seriously wrong. I’m probably nervous for nothing and everything will go just fine without any complications. I just wish I could get myself to believe that.

I also wonder how much of my apprehension about this surgery is because so much of my quality of life seems to be riding on the outcome. I’m getting really tired of the roller coaster. I’m ready to get off it now.